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Thank you to my secret source... wonder if they link this blog to me, will they let me back in the country... 
Ok, I have to admit that perezhilton.com is one of my guilty pleasures, but sometimes he really does have great stuff:
In God we trust to deliver these gems:
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. Don't let worry kill you off—let the Church help.Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge—Up Yours."